I sat there blank faced, watching my own reflection in the dirty window…my expression slowly changing from emotionless to flatline…folding tiny pieces of magazine paper for the zig zag rope chain that I had been half working on for almost an hour now. I stopped folding and held the zig zag chain in my hands, feeling the folds with my thumbs. I began to drift back into a daze, trying to listen to the blonde thirty-something grin through a report on how to stay fit, and then pitied her, as she dropped the smile, and effortlessly transitioned into tips for surviving the oncoming depression. Canned foods and water preservation…I really don’t want to believe her, so I tune her out and wait for the next commercial to tell me what I should spend my money on.

The door swings open, then closes and my little brother who, whether I like it or not, isn’t so little anymore, walks towards the fridge, opening it and observing the same spectacle he had observed every ten minutes of every hour he’s ever lived. The funny thing about refrigerators is that no matter how many times you open and close them, if you don’t add food, nothing new ever shows up. He stood there for about a minute and he looked at my zig zag chain.


Bored?

Yeah, I’m just catching up on some news. Did you hear about the Dow Jones today?

Economy sucks, that’s why I can’t get a job.

Yeah, I understand.


I sat there, blank faced, feeling the folds of my rope chain again, staring back through my reflection, listening to the sounds of the refrigerator door open and close, cupboards slam accidentally, and the blonde thirty something giving her monotone warning call to a very blank faced America.

In a sick way I’m kind of excited. The economy will suffer, and millions of Americans will work harder. The corporate big wigs will walk away with millions , as the rest of America will bite down so hard they taste blood. I want to taste that blood. I want to hurt a little…I want to know that I’m working hard for every single dime I make. I want that exhaustion. Don’t you think it’ll make you feel more alive?



...(to be continued)

So it appears things aren't as bad as it seems.

One of the service technicians came in today and we talked a bit about my future with the company. While he has no control or say in where I go, if I go, he mentioned to me that I should have no reason to worry, because I'm an asset to the company. He says that I'm one of the only people qualified to process service orders (I'm one of two in the whole company), and since I have a few years invested in the company, it's unlikely. I'm also not high up enough to be cut first.

I did a bit of research, and found out that the new CEO of my company also had a hand in his former company that went bankrupt...Grapevine says he's hired to close down companies...I'm not so sure I want to believe that, but the guy is wicked-suspicious. All one can do is just wait, you know?

My company uses a muzak sound system, and discreetly bleeds christian music into secular music over our P.A., and it's kind of interesting...I guess you have to appeal to all audiences right? *eyeroll*

I hate that I'm pessimistic in these blogs, but it's hard to be optimistic when you're holding onto your job like a penguin holds an egg in a blizzard. It's going to be a rough winter, but as long as I don't drop the egg, I'll be ok.

Then again, I shouldn't be blogging at work, right? :P Have a great day everyone, and take each day as it comes.

-Shan

forgetting my optimism.

My company just decided it would close my location.
I hope they transfer me...
feeling like a failure in life right now...It's going to be really hard to pull myself out of this if they do end up firing everyone (they aren't even laying off...they're firing...)

I'm still here right now, it'll be a bit before they close, but packing up everything and not knowing if your job is secure is like undressing someone before they are to be raped.

ugh.

Someone left a comment on one of my videos today...it said something along the lines of 'Why are all of your comments positive? it makes me sick!!!'

Reminds me of how much I love the people I share my time with. My subscribers and friends are the coolest and sweetest youtube has to offer, hands down :).


Ok so work has been ridiculiously tiring today, and it's been too long since I last responded. I feel obligated to leave something lengthy. As if anyone really reads these things :P. It's more for me anyway.


So I've been watchin' the news, and apprently we're headed for disaster. The stock market's bombing...Obama says it's likely that we're headed for the worst financial tragedy since the great depression...somehow I think something similar was probably said when 9/11 struck (no pun intended), but in any case, I'm prepared to work hard through the bad times. I've got support where I need it, and with my drive, I'm sure I'll survive. Then again, I'm here at work, writing a blog entry and not working. I'm such a boob :P


I think that the Mccain/Palin ticket is America's worst nightmare. It's not only a dangerous ticket, it's a foolish one. I have my speculations that a war with RUSSIA might be in the works if done, and with Mccain's feelings about war, I wouldn't put it past him to make some big irrational move. The 08 candidate can't afford to call another war. It's going to be tough, and whoever it is just might have to walk on eggshells to avoid WW3. Regardless, Mccain is old enough that his death in office is something to worry about. That being said, Palin would be a dangerous commander in chief, should anything happen. She's a hockey mom, not president material. Hillary would be a better choice in that case...and that's saying something...because I don't like her either.


Anyways, I'm rambling, and I really should get back to work. I love you all.


<3 me

Work has been NEVER ENDING today, UGH!

So how is everyone? I've been having such a fantastically disgustingly long day. My coworkers are probably the coolest ones I've ever had though, and can turn even the most boring of days into something wonderful. :P I'm so lucky.


I watched the RNC last night, and listened to everyone's speech, including Sarah Palin's...which was an overglorified ass kissing, and lacking at best. She's so catty, ie: cutting down Obama and pumping up Mccain, instead of talking about her own plans and values. It was tragic.

I've got the day off tomorrow, and I just can't wait. I never get enough of those <3

Bowling friday night sounds like a great idea..

oh well, it's back to work for me.

I don't get my ideas until late at night...interesting..no?

So I think I might have a new video idea regarding individuality and classification...stereotypes and how easy (and intellectually lazy) it is to assume.

...short entry tonight..

work was work... Day off tomorrow,
more to come <3

-Shan

I'm at work right now.


So I'm sorry about the last post. I can't even recognize myself when I get to that point. I usually don't allow myself to whine, because I know some people have it way worse. Either way, it happens, ya know?

I heard that in the news, three 'explorers' had found what seemed to be Bigfoot...

That's right...in the flesh..all 500 lbs of him.

They locked him in some ice chest, and only wanted a select group of scientists to 'observe' him.

Lo and behold, it's just a rubber suit.

Go figure.

People like that crack me up.

:) Have a wonderful day everyone, and take care.

-Shan